A few minutes before the services began, the townspeople were sitting in their pews and talking. Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church.
Everyone started screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from the evil incarnate. Soon everyone exited the church except for one elderly gentleman who sat calmly in his pew without moving, seemingly oblivious to the fact that God’s ultimate enemy was in his presence.
So Satan walked up to the old man and said, “Don’t you know who I am?” The man replied, “Yep, sure do.”
“Aren’t you afraid of me?” Satan asked.
“Nope, sure ain’t.” said the man.
“Don’t you realize I can kill you with a word?” asked Satan.
“Don’t doubt it for a minute,” returned the old man, in an even tone.
“Did you know that I could cause you profound, horrifying, physical agony for all eternity?” persisted Satan.
“Yep,” was the calm reply.
“And you’re still not afraid?” asked Satan.
“Nope.”
More than a little perturbed, Satan asked, “Well, why aren’t you afraid of me?”
The man calmly replied, “Been married to your sister for over 48 years.”
Nate ‧ Posted 4 years, 3 months, 1 week, 1 day, 7 hours, 38 minutes ago
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Q-What did Satan say after God and his angels threw him down into the pit of hell??
A-He said “ Help! I’ve fallen and I can’t get up! “
That was my joke, but on a much serious side, here’s my message to all you satanists, atheists, paganists, new-age warlocks and witches, and anyone else who is stupid enough to believe that satan actually gives a shit about ANY of you, IN WHICH HE DOESN’T.
Satan is NOTHING, and I mean NOTHING, but a mentally deranged archangel who’s only goal in his worthless existence is to not only screw around with our sanity, but also drag us straight to hell to burn for eternity along with HIS soul and the soul of his own bastard son, the anti-christ.
You people are still alive so get the heck away from him while you all still have a chance, while you’re all still alive. And just remember, you only live ONCE, so once you’re dead, you don’t and will not—-EVER—-get another chance to turn to God and the Lord, so it’s better to do it now rather than after you’re dead.
— God's Servant 
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God’s Servant:
I am quite shocked that you grouped atheists, paganists, warlocks, and witches along with satanists.
You must be very educated to preach God’s word at random. As an educated person surely you know that none of the groups you listed believe in Satan except Satanists.
In other words: Do you research or feck off.
— Nate
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To the idiot named Etan.
Hey etan!
If you had the intelligence to understand the bible, then you would have known that Jesus clearly stated in the bible that studying black and white magic IS A SIN!!
So basically you stupid moron, that means the bible was stating that anyone who worships anthing else other Jesus and God might as well be worshiping satan, because anything that’s not
God-related is a sin, so basically new-age religion and witchcraft IS satanism in disguise!
LIKE DUH!!
The next time you decide to shoot your mouth off, why don’t you try to take your foot out of it, first, okay??
And by the way, fuck off and good-day to you—and good riddance.
— Servant
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I comletely agree with you, Servant!
Etan has no idea of what he is talking about!
My own sister is lost right now as she is a new-age witch and my father, being pastor himself, says that any form of religion that is NOT God and Jesus related is a sin and is a form of satanism in disguise.
ETAN..? GET A BLOODY BRAIN THAT WORKS!!
— Andrew
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How random that two people post a reply to me within 4 minutes! I wonder if they are the same person? Couldn’t be… no one would be that dumb.
Servant/Andrew: Why should I believe the word of the bible over any other book? Everything the bible says is 100% true? Does that mean that I should be allowed to beat my woman and my horse?
— Nate
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Damn Etan, I don’t get over here very often and I’m not sure which is more funny, the joke or the comments. All that hatred from one innocuous joke. Well, at least they weren’t proselytizing so much a spewing venom. Ah, the joys of adolescence. Hopefully they’’ learn to think for themselves one day…sooner rather than later.
Nice site you’ve got going. Thanks for the link.
— deadscot
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To the idiot named Etan:
You think that you’re so fucking smart, don’t ya??
I happen to know who Andrew is—-CONSIDERING THE FACT THAT HE WAS IN THE SAME ROOM WITH ME, when I wrote that last comment last monday!!
Let me guess!
You’re one of those pricks who can’t stand anyone preaching the word of God, because you are either an atheist, or someone who is deeply into New-Age religion and you don’t want to accept the fact that what I told you is the truth, am I correct??
So naturally, you decided to act like an asshole soley based on my joke and my advice.
I really don’t give a damn of what you think and as far as Andrew is concerned, he too thinks that you’re an idiot.
If you can’t handle people placing the truth into your pathetic website, then maybe you shouldn’t have one!
And by the way, anyone who will later read this will automatically know of what an asshole you are.
— Servant
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…And by the way…about that stupid question you asked me, about you beating your woman with your horse.
I know sarcasm when I hear it, and yes the bible IS 100% accurate—-regardless of your stupidity.
— Servant
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You’re right deadscot (Hiya!) it’s funny in a creepshow kind of way, these comments.
People so stuck in their own a** that they can’t even take an old joke which isn’t even aimed at their religion but at their supposed nemesis. These guys sure would be fun to be around.
— ingolfson
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Let me guess!
You’re one of those pricks who can’t stand anyone preaching the word of God, because you are either an atheist, or someone who is deeply into New-Age religion and you don’t want to accept the fact that what I told you is the truth, am I correct??
I am an athiest. I don’t like people coming onto my private property (this website) and preaching in an effort to convert me. I do allow them to do so until they get out of hand as I believe everyone is allowed a point of view.
If someone does come onto my site to preach the “truth” to me, all I ask is that they provide evidence. Saying that the bible is 100% true is not evidence for an argument, especially when it contradicts itself on so many occasions.
I really don’t give a damn of what you think and as far as Andrew is concerned, he too thinks that you’re an idiot.
You obviously give a damn since you keep coming back. If you didn’t care you would just not even bother.
If you can’t handle people placing the truth into your pathetic website, then maybe you shouldn’t have one!
My website is my private property. I am allowed to do whatever I want on it. If you need a place to vent you should make your own website explaining the wonders of the bible, I’m sure tons of people would love to read your thoughts.
And by the way, anyone who will later read this will automatically know of what an asshole you are.
Their judgements matter not to me. I don’t live my life to look good in others eyes. I live my life to enjoy it and learn.
— Nate
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Preaching and religion are really not one in the same. I avoid people prostelytizing the same way I avoid agressive salesmen at electronic stores.
It’s no so much that someone is upset that they are denying the word of “the Lord” but more because they do not want to deal with the one-track-mind mentality that is dumped on others by poeople who are zealots of any ilk. In this case, the messenger really needs to be blamed; the message is irrelevant.
If you find peace and love in your faith, more power to you. You can pray for my soul if you wish. But do not for one second think that forcing unwelcome prostelytizing on someone’s doorstep is a gift that we should be grateful for. If anything my own personal attitudes towards religion have been shaped more by those who self-appoint themselves to force-feed their wills on others.
More to the point: Free advice is never worth the price you pay. And if someone asks you to stop forcing your will on them, you had better stop.
— Jack
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