I felt like TooMuchSexy.blog was due for a flame war, so without further ado…
Things you have to believe to be a Republican today:
- Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a bad guy when Bush’s daddy made war on him, a good guy when Cheney did business with him and a bad guy when Bush needed a “we can’t find Bin Laden” diversion.
- Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is communist, but trade with China and Vietnam is vital to a spirit of international harmony.
- The United States should get out of the United Nations, and our highest national priority is enforcing U.N. resolutions against Iraq.
- A woman can’t be trusted with decisions about her own body, but multi-national corporations can make decisions affecting all mankind without regulation.
- Jesus loves you, and shares your hatred of homosexuals and Hillary Clinton.
- The best way to improve military morale is to praise the troops in speeches while slashing veterans’ benefits and combat pay.
- If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents won’t have sex.
- A good way to fight terrorism is to belittle our long-time Allies, then demand their cooperation and money.
- Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy. Providing health care to all Americans is socialism.
- HMOs, pharmecutical, and insurance companies have the best interests of the public at heart.
- Global warming and tobacco’s link to cancer are junk science, but creationism should be taught in schools.
- A president lying about an extramarital affair is an impeachable offense. A president lying to enlist support for a war in which thousands die is solid defense policy.
- Government should limit itself to the powers named in the Constitution, which include banning gay marriages and censoring the Internet.
- The public has a right to know about Hillary’s cattle trades, but George Bush’s driving and military record is none of our business.
- Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you’re a conservative radio host. Then it’s an illness, and you need our prayers for your recovery.
- You support states’ rights, which means Attorney General John Ashcroft can tell states what local voter initiatives they have the right to adopt.
- What Bill Clinton did in the 1960s is of vital national interest, but what Bush did in the ‘80s is irrelevant.
Nate ‧ Posted 3 years, 6 months, 1 week, 5 days, 15 minutes ago ‧ Comments (13)
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A guy goes to the doctor about a problem he’s having. After a thorough examination, the doctor says to the patient, “I have good news and I have bad news.”
“Well doc, let me hear the good news first.”, says the patient.
To which the doctor responds, “Well, the good news is, we’re going to name a disease after you!”
Nate ‧ Posted 3 years, 6 months, 1 week, 5 days, 13 hours, 33 minutes ago ‧ Comments (0)
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