Cosmetics heir and fugitive rapist Andrew Luster, great-grandson of makeup legend Max Factor, was captured in Puerto Vallarta, Mexico yesterday by a bounty hunter. Luster had jumped a $1 million bail and fled the US during his trial for drugging and then raping three women. He was sentenced to 124 years in prison, a sentence he began serving today.

The rest of the Factor family was said to be in hiding, avoiding all contact with the press, deeply embarrassed by having such a bad heir day.

Posted 5 years, 6 months, 1 week, 3 days, 41 minutes ago ‧ Comments (1)

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What Congress means by ethics is best explained by the tailor’s story:

“Suppose I sell a suit to a young man for $200. He tells me that his family is footing the bill and that if I give him a receipt for $400 to give to his parents, he will pay me $100 on the side.

The question of ethics is: Do I keep the extra $100 myself, or do I tell my partner and split it with him?“

Posted 5 years, 6 months, 1 week, 4 days, 2 hours, 48 minutes ago ‧ Comments (0)

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An older man wearing a stovepipe hat, a waistcoat and a phony beard sat down at a bar and ordered a drink. As the bartender set it down, he asked, “Going to a party?“

“Yeah, a costume party,“ the man answered, “I’m supposed to come dressed as my love life.“

“But you look like Abe Lincoln.“ protested the barkeep.

“That’s right. My last four scores were seven years ago.“

Posted 5 years, 6 months, 1 week, 5 days, 53 minutes ago ‧ Comments (0)

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A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he glanced up and saw a very beautiful woman boarding the plane. He soon realized she was heading straight towards his seat. Lo and behold, she took the seat right beside his. Eager to strike up a conversation, he blurted out, Business trip or vacation?“ She turned, smiled and said,“Business. I’m going to the Annual Nymphomaniac Convention in Chicago.“ He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen sitting next to him and she was going to a meeting for nymphomaniacs!
Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, “What’s your business role at this convention?“ “Lecturer,“ she responded. “I use my experience to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality…“
 
“Really,“ he said, “What myths are those?“
 
Well,“ she explained, “One popular myth is that American men are the most well endowed when, in fact, it’s the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait. Another popular myth is that French men are the best lovers, when actually it is the men of Jewish descent.“
 
“We have, however, found that the best potential lover in all categories is the Southern red neck.“
 
Suddenly the woman became a little uncomfortable and blushed. “I’m sorry,“ she said, “I shouldn’t really be discussing this with you. I don’t even know your name.“
 
“Tonto,“ the man said, “Tonto Goldstein. But my friends call me Bubba.

Posted 5 years, 6 months, 1 week, 6 days, 3 hours, 38 minutes ago ‧ Comments (1)

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Three construction contractors died and went to heaven - a Black, a Jew, and an Italian. When they got there St. Peter welcomed them warmly and asked if they could do him a favor before they entered heaven. It seems that the Pearly gates were in need of some repair, and he wanted some estimates.

The Black contractor looked the job over carefully and estimated the job at $600. When asked how he came up with that figure, he said, “$200 materials, $200 labor, and $200 profit.“

St. Peter then asked the Jewish contractor for an estimate. After careful inspection the Jew answered, “$3000 - $1000 materials, $1000 labor, and $1000 profit.“

When St. Peter ask the Italian for an estimate, he answered immediately without looking over the job at all - $2600. Asked how he came up with that figure he answered, “Simple, $1000 for you, $1000 for me, and $600 to get the low bidder over there to do the work.“

Posted 5 years, 6 months, 2 weeks, 1 hour, 1 minute ago ‧ Comments (0)

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